It is funny how memories can be jolted in your mind, with no apparent for-thought or idea of what is coming next.  As I gazed at such beautiful stately deciduous trees such as elm, maples, oak, & other indigenous trees of NJ, I had previously rode in a car.  I never noticed such beauty.  But now my transport is an ambulance bringing me home from renal dialysis, as it had for almost two months. Now looking up into the sky, I saw various patterns of different leaves, as the sun & the movement of the ambulance, much in need of better shock absorbers, tossed me back & forth.  Oh, such loveliness!  I am alive!  Now, I am so appreciative & thankful for small things, not that I didn’t before dialysis, but with a deeper spiritual thankfulness.   God has been good to me. 

As I entered the dialysis unit, for the first time. I was aware of how pristine & sterile was the environment.  The antiseptic odor reached my nostrils.  Around the massive room were lounge chairs or hospital beds, all lined up around the perimeter of the building.  In each chair, an occupant receiving dialysis, with tubes coming in or out of fistula or permacath.  Two machine were between each receiver.  One was the dializer cleaning the blood.  The other kept track of vitals, input & output of minerals, medication, as needed.  The one tube was used for the arterial (pulling blood out to dialysis machine & the other was called a venus, which pulled the cleansed blood back into the body.  My blood was “sticky” , as it clotted outside the body. More Heparin had to be added to my blood to keep it flowing well. 

My Permacath was inserted surgically under the shoulder muscle. It had 2 ports for pulling blood in & out.  I could not shower until it was removed.  I would have to do a sponge bath.  Washing hair was a challenge, as I couldn’t get the Permacath wet.  So as suggested I covered with a plastic wrap or Saran Wrap & taped it all around.  I used packing tape, as that was all I had on hand. It worked & with much relief, I had a clean head.

My fistula was a few weeks later, inserted surgically in my upper arm, as I had a good blood flow there.  It needed time to ripen or appear bulging from arm.  A rubber kidney was given to me to squeeze daily, to help the process along.  A rubber ball as well, could be used!  It helped the fistula to develop. 

As my Permacath clogged early, I was switched to a 15 or 16 gauge needle to be inserted as the arterial vein of arm.  The first time, I used a numbing spray, but later did not, as some technicians were an ace in the art of cannulation of needle.  I would feel hardly anything or just a prick. 

I can’t say that my three days a week, for four hours a day, are the highlights of my life.  But it is my LIFE or the alternative- DEATH. That was & still is the hardest thing for me to adjust to even now.  I am a free spirit & hate time restrictions, but I will adjust, as there is no alternative for me.  I think of myself & others like me, as the LIVING DEAD!  So many unknowns for us, but all life contain the same. Those of us in DIALYSIS have chosen LIFE!  That is why I am sharing my renal friendly recipes with everyone.  If we choose LIFE, we need to eat as if we really mean it!  There is no turning back only looking to a pleasureable future!  We need to as we often say in weight loss programs ” to keep the grass green” !  Never forget the past emotional & physical problems before dialysis.  We all have our own personal memories of sleeping a life away, among other things!  This will help to keep us on track in our Race for Life!



According to a Merriam Webster’s dictionary, transition is a passing of one condition to another, including a change in state of mind, or activity.  It can be caused by a role change, loss of job or relationship or just a mental change in perception of your world around you.  In any case it means change, for better or worse, depending on the transitional outcome.  Since August of 2009, I have gone through life’s most traumatic transitions, experiencing all of the above & none of them positive. But I have survived, even tho’ the body that I emotionally live in, is now at the brink of failure!  My diagnosis is unacceptable to someone who has cheated the death of her forefathers. My coffin has become the chair in which, I spend my life 24 hours a day. Dr visits make up my trips to the outside world. Few bother to stop by or call anymore.  I am now forgotten, despite my copious gifts, talents, & outreach to others in the community previously. Presently, after trying leg wrapping for lymphedema, I applied these space type leggings on my legs, 3 times a day.  A machine compresses & massages or pumps, my legs til fluid is squeezed back into the bladder.  If this fails, I will then have to resort to dialysis.  I would love to hear from some others in a similar state.
I have not had much energy, so many activities or pursuits remain undone.  I have exchanged creative, productive activity for computer games, that do not require much of me. Thus is the essence of my existence these days!
Only GOD knows where & when this will end.


DOYLESTOWN, BUCKS CO., PA 1) DIALYSIS CENTERS WITHIN A 30 MILE RADIUS FROM DOYLESTOWN Abington 3940a Commerce Ave Willow Grove PA 19090-1705 Fax: 215-830-8322 In-center Hemo,in-center PD Distance- 11.76 mi PLACEMENT SPECIALIST AVAILABLE Phone: 1-866-889-6019 Intl: +1 (610) 722-6019 Reference Number: 3016 Belmont Court Dialysis 255 Belmont Ave Doylestown PA 18901-4458 Fax: 215-348-0396 Phone: 215-348-7333 Reference Number: 104652 FMC – Doylestown Dialysis Center 708 N Shady Retreat Rd Ste 5 Doylestown PA 18901-2503 Fax: 267-880-0753 Phone: 215-348-9690 Reference Number: 102645 Liberty Dialysis – Doylestown 2800 Kelly Rd Ste 110 In Center Hemo, pd Warrington PA 18976-3626 Fax: 215-343-0483 Phone: 215-488-7220 Reference Number: 105277 FMC – Lansdale 100 Medical Campus Dr Lansdale PA 19446-1259 Fax: 215-853-8308 Phone: 215-853-8300 Reference Number: 102642 Belmont Court Dialysis 225 Newtown Rd 1st Floor Warminster PA 18974-5221 Fax: 215-957-7995 Phone: 215-957-7990 Reference Number: 102806 DSI – Sellersville 1112 Old Bethlehem Pike Sellersville PA 18960-1423 Fax: 215-257-0954 Phone: 215-257-0950 Reference Number: 105239 There are more dialysis centers available in this area. BUCKS COUNTY-ATTRACTIONS Doylestown is the county seat of Bucks County. There are many interesting & picturesque sites in this area. First of all, Doylestown itself is home to two wonderful museums built by philanthropist, Henry Chapman Mercer. Born 1856 in Doylestown, he was an American archeologist, artifact collector, tile maker & designer of three very unusual poured concrete structures in town. One being his home, FONTHILL, which is open to the public. Making up the 2nd building of the Mercer mile is THE MORAVIAN POTTERY & TILE WORKS. Here beautiful tiles were made that were being used on the floor of the Pennsylvania State Capitol Building in HARRISBURG, PA. These beautiful mosaics trace the history of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania from prehistoric times. The tiles can be found as far as in Grauman’s Chinese Theater, to a simple household fireplace in some fortunate Bucks Countian’s fireplace. The third building in this Mercer Mile, I think is the most interesting. Mercer Museum has been built to look like a concrete poured castle, with narrow winding steps, up & down, eeiry, dark, mystic, housing early American tools & medical instruments! On each level, you will find other very old artifacts, even a very large boat, hanging in the middle of the ceiling. It also houses the Spruance Library where genealogy research can be done, Here the Bucks County Historical Society has a wealth of research materials, cemetery, church books, etc. from Bucks & surrounding counties. There is an elevator to get to certain parts of the museum. But limited use is available. Where an elevator will take you up to the library, you will have to be able to walk down some steps to get to the library itself. There is a fee for non members. Be prepared to park your belongings, before you go in to the room. I would suggest that you leave purse & valuables some where’s else where they are safe. The bathroom is not as easily accessible either. Children are fascinated by all the varied artifacts. If you are lucky, you might find a program in progress. These buildings are a must! Take your camera, pen & pad, do what you can navigate. The buildings in town are old, shops are quaint, courthouse contains many Bucks County files, too. Interesting place. You could easily spend two days here. There are lots of great cinemas in malls & great eating places outside town. more info. Homes & Buildings Peace Valley Park, New Britain Twp., is surrounded by Lake Galena. It is just a few miles north of town. There are lots of recreational activities there such as boating, ice skating, walking trails, boat launching area, nature center & many other things to do. This place consists of 1500 acres. There are many other similar places in the area. Peddler’s Village in Lahaska, New Hope/ Lambertville/ Washington Crossing area are all beautiful centers of artistic culture, quaint little shops that feature local craftsmen, & little out of the way eateries with the ambience of a time gone by. Washington’s Crossing is the site of historical nature, which explains itself. You will just simply follow #202 all the way to the Delaware River. Don’t forget to take that beautiful ride along the canals. WINERIES There are also some great wineries in Bucks County. Some of them are:Buckingham Valley Vineyards, Route 413, Buckingham; Chaddsford Winery Store in Peddler’s Village, Merchant’s Row, Lahaska; Crossing Vineyards & Winery, Wrightstown Rd., Washington Crossing. There are many more in the area. COVERED BRIDGES Located in the more rural part of northwestern part of Bucks Co., are Erwinna Covered Bridge, Frankenfield Covered Bridge, & Uhlersville Covered Bridge. There are many others to seein the county, Be sure to proceed with caution, if walking, as cars often speed through the bridge. Beautiful scenery with local color abound, so please bring your cameras. ANTIQUE SHOPS Antique shops/ auctions are abound in Bucks County, whether in Lahaska, New Hope, Lambertville or surrounding areas. The area around Doylestown is full of history & reminders of the past, whether in building or artifact! If you want to spend time in Bucks County, there are many more wonderful places & ideas for a perfect trip. PLACES TO STAY- COLONIAL WOODS- Family Camping Resort- Upper Black Eddy,PA Toll-Free: (800) 887-CAMP (2267) Open Mid-April thru November 1 DINING- RECREATION- Golf




My mind alert to life

Frustrates my brain

My limbs are stiff

My back is fused

My kidneys in failure

Life yields no pleasure

Needs basic to life only

Nothing else brought to fruition


 Barely can I prepare the day

Which begins with one

Obstacle after another

I struggle to keep my body

Going for usual things

Messages sent, nothing moves.

I will it, but still I’m

Inaccessible to life outside



My heart yearns for change

Change to better the plight

Change to participate

Caught in this web

Of wasted tomorrows

Watching as the world

Greets me again each day,

Passing me by.



What has this fire ignited

To survive against all odds?

What is this throbbing desire,

To keep finding solutions?

A will to live in optismism,

Pushes my immobile body on.

I struggle, knowing tomorrow

Will be the same or worse!



I am about to embark on a new adventure.  As many of my followers know, I am a kidney patient in need of dialysis soon.  The number keeps coming up, that qualifies me for treatment, but other things negate the urgency for its use.  In plain language- if the water works (peeing) is still working & feet/ limbs are at a reasonable size, not swollen, then it can be held off for another month.  One begins to live from one blood test to another, but I am in kidney failure now which is the #15.  For those in this situation, my creatinine is between 3.2-3.5.  But my philosophy has always been that for every door that closes, there is another one just around the corner that has opened, beckoning me to keep going forward.  As this blog is titled- I AIN’T DEAD YET! Gives one my outlook on life!  Thus, I have begun a new brainstorm- Traveling With Dialysis.  This series can be found on my other blog-TRAVELS WITH AUNTIE NANA. The link to connect to it, is to the right on each page listed under LINKS. Our bodies may have given up long ago on us, but our brains are active & in need of stimulation.  So let’s fulfill our dreams to travel, pick up our marbles & live each day, as if it were our last.  Be adventuresome!  HIT THE ROAD!  I will be investigating dialysis centers, campgrounds, RV traveling, attractions, etc. & yes there are even cruise lines that will do hemodialysis/ peritoneal dialysis. .  Sooo……..stay tuned!  Your life as you know it could be changed forever!  CARPE DIEM!   SEIZE THE DAY!

NOVEMBER 15, 2009:  Look for  part of Bucks Co., PA  soon.  i have to check & double check, then will get it in here.  My energy is quickly ebbing!