TRANSITION

According to a Merriam Webster’s dictionary, transition is a passing of one condition to another, including a change in state of mind, or activity.  It can be caused by a role change, loss of job or relationship or just a mental change in perception of your world around you.  In any case it means change, for better or worse, depending on the transitional outcome.  Since August of 2009, I have gone through life’s most traumatic transitions, experiencing all of the above & none of them positive. But I have survived, even tho’ the body that I emotionally live in, is now at the brink of failure!  My diagnosis is unacceptable to someone who has cheated the death of her forefathers. My coffin has become the chair in which, I spend my life 24 hours a day. Dr visits make up my trips to the outside world. Few bother to stop by or call anymore.  I am now forgotten, despite my copious gifts, talents, & outreach to others in the community previously. Presently, after trying leg wrapping for lymphedema, I applied these space type leggings on my legs, 3 times a day.  A machine compresses & massages or pumps, my legs til fluid is squeezed back into the bladder.  If this fails, I will then have to resort to dialysis.  I would love to hear from some others in a similar state.
I have not had much energy, so many activities or pursuits remain undone.  I have exchanged creative, productive activity for computer games, that do not require much of me. Thus is the essence of my existence these days!
Only GOD knows where & when this will end.

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POETRY

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A GHANAIAN BOY’S VISION STALLED

 This Ghanian boy’s invitation to America,

Took a life’s span of 18 years,

Waiting, Hoping, Longing for the invitation-

Oh, so near, He’s yearning for the chance,

To make a better life-“Only in America-

You can work if you want to!” “AMERICA!”

A steady job, money to feed & clothe his family,

Yet, he must leave all of that behind-

His homeland of Ghana with familiar sights, sg0942[1]

Flora of African Mahogany, Giant Cotton, & Sapele trees,

Disappearing with slash & burn practices,

A family, a baby so small to remember-

Her Da-Da at all.

His sisters, brothers, all rely on him!

Now, migration to America at last,

But still FIVE years later, emptiness & loneliness,

His constant companion-

Where Home has become New Jersey, USA,

Established, working, assimilating into the culture,

But still, Dreams of his homeland, his family,

Haunt his every waking hour,

Like ghosts trampling on his chest.

His mind wanders to the days gone-by.

To verdant lush fields, savannahs, & streams,

Too poor sometimes to eat, but yet

He longs to be home again,

To see all the familiar places.

Feels loss of family, surroundings,

Worry, “Did my baby eat today?”

Separation devours & consumes him,

Til’ eating & sleeping become less,

I’m in a better place, but are THEY?

“LORD ABOVE, I pray-

Bring my loved ones to me!

Ease the restrictions to let them pass! ”

Too many years have passed by,

I age, as I wait for yet another invitation-

For my family, Please let it happen!

Or I’ll wither & die,

My family once again hungry,

No money for medical attention,

My deprivation & loss will have been in vain.

I have only bought time, time, time!

For nature’s inevitable outcome!

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POETRY

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  LOVE POEMS REFLECTING A TUMULTOUS SOUL

 

MY LIGHT IS FADING!

 

In the bleakness of the night,

My very soul cries out to fight-

Long past ghosts that haunted me,

Yesterdays passions gone unfulfilled.

Tomorrows LOVE that cannot be-

Leaves an exhausted, weary me,

In the lonely abyss of my mind.

 

My love, he knows not me,

Silence separates our lives

No words of encouragement,

Glimpses of what will never be,

Alone, shared pleasures, my desire,

No one to hold me in the darkness,

Evening shadows surround my life.

Urgency hastens my day of freedom.

Haunts me daily of my undying love!

 

 So tired, so needy, I hold no mystery,

Bare I stand with little substance-

To clothe me in the winter chill

No illusions, my world contained,

Holding the old unrestrained lifeless ways,   

Stifles me, as I gasp for morning air,

An ebbing will- no more imagined ecstasy.

The exhilaration of life, no longer mine to boast-

That bright shining light, that heaven brings,

Shines for me- lighting my pathway home.

———–ALFIE    2009

 

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SLEEP, BLESSED SLEEP

 

Sleep. Blessed Sleep

My body aches for rest,

A sleep undisturbed

By restless patter,

Groans of helplessness,

Unanswerable questions,

Chair glider running

With ceaseless trips,

To check on me!

The child searching

For signs of life

In a body almost dead

From years of abuse

Endless demands required!

 

Sleep, blessed sleep

Uninterrupted by worldly affairs

But unattainable

Like all the rest

Of my sought after

Life needs!

Relentless it continues,

The clinging, sobbing child

Separation anxiety

Demands my every minute

Release never

Life’s journey to the end

Final sleep at last!

Sleep, blessed sleep!

——–ALFIE    2009

 

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LIFE’S DIRECTION

 

My beating compass,

Giving direction to life,

Lost in the mire,

No longer my comfort-guide,

Impeded thinking

Confusion in role=playing,

My anchor lacks stability,

Floating in tidal swells,

My true north

Unable to right itself!

———ALFIE    2009

 

GLIMPSES OF A FORMER SELF

 

At last, the gates of HELL,

Escapes my restless mind  

A renaissance of thoughts,

Unfettered by the doubts, fears,

My prison shackled by time,

I’m free, I’m free!

If only for awhile

It seems to be!

The prison still my abode,

Where none has entered,

Until now- release

So short a span

Of time- my freedom lasts!

A taste to stir my soul,

But permanently unattainable,

Like everything else

Held precious to me!

Fly, fly away with me!

 

A mind warped

By human condition

Destroyed by self

Or entities surrounds

Me still

Negativity with passivity.

Anger contained 

Life or survival

Knows no kindness

Flaws always ready

For exposure!

Fly, fly away with me!

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Sublime adventures,

Unrelenting passions,

Youth’s desires,

Undying love,

Our daily goal.

Intellectual displays

Knowledge abound,

Exploration beyond horizons,

Come search with me!

Escape my prison bounds,

Where all the yesterdays-

Are but distant memories,

Sunrises meet us daily,

Fly, fly away with me!

———-ALFIE    2009

 

 

 

 

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 IMAGES OF A SNOWY NIGHT

Last night, the snow fell-

On rooftops & such.

Beautiful glistening white snow,

Virgin as it dropped on sidewalks,

Boats & on cold sandy beaches!

An image pristine, as it built

A denseness of pure magical flakes

Unaffected by man’s interference,

It blows, it piles, it creates-

Pleasure for tomorrow’s play.

Bring on the sleds, the forts,

Children dance with glee!

Lovers look to moonlight-

For a clandestine sleigh ride,

Then home to a blazing fire!

Warm memories created by all.

Nature being the strongest

Aphrodisiac!

 

 

 

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NIGHT SOUNDS AFAR

Asleep, I awakened to the moanful wail,

Of a late night express,

Signaling it’s night sound-

Do you hear me?

Out of the way!

As the seasoned wheels clank

Along a well run track of years!

Where could it be going?

What is the purpose of its’ journey?

Night after night its’ wailing calls-

Awaken thoughts of yesterday,

Transportation long since gone, for most-

Do you hear me?

Out of the way!

Its’ routine unchanged, in the history

Of a once popular- SEASHORE LINE!