Posted on by alicehahn | Edit

The poems below are written as a result of my life experiences.  They have turned out to be therapy for my bouts of depresion with life changes.  Most are not from the anthology of poems, “MY DADDY IS NO MORE”, but recent contributions.

Posted on by alicehahn | Edit


Did you hear her cry last night?

Were you too busy to hear?

Did her pleas for help,

Reach only a deaf ear?


What star were you chasing?

No time to linger or enjoy-

Smell a fallen rose petal,

Thankfulness for your only child.

Show love to someone often, 

Remember to plant a lingering kiss-

Full of promise & expectation,

ATTAINED, the ambition long satisfied,

Alone, as your neighbor, unseen.


Detached from my neighbor,

Who’s tired life is perceived-

Through a small open window

From her poor, empty abode.

Whose narrow world will never-

Again, experience beauty of life,

Through her senses, enriching-

A quality time, those FINAL DAYS!


She waits! 

For what we do not know-

Company to be received?  

Children, friends never come?

Or a husband long since passed!

She scarcely remembers her name,

Still, she polishes her silverware.

Sets the table with her very best,


Yet, she notices NOT-

That no one sits by her side,

Eats her lovingly prepared food,

Enjoys the long past memories,

Of too many days gone by.

Or a life that once filled-

With newborn expectations!

She waits, we do not know why?


Did you hear her cry last night?

Or were you too busy to hear?

Did her sad pleas for help,

Reach only your deaf ear?














He sits & ponders his dilemma.

His gait toddles back & forth,

Endless questions, insufficient answers,

Constant concern about his situation,

Worries about his future.

The cycle continues over again.


Obsession with small things-

A spot on the floor;  dish out of place;

Routine to be followed-

Dinner at five, bedtime at six,

Trash be collected, continuously,

Disbelief, as strokes his face!

A shave almost accomplished.


Tasks once so easy- now

A major event for him!

Clothes that don’t slide on,

Makes dressing impossible.

Such effort- feet barely move.

An appliance assists his walk.

Restricted in life- loneliness, despair.


His mind falters, as he tries-

To find answers, where there’s none.

Memories fade, memory lost,

Misplaced objects never found.

No logic to the clean up,

That endlessly consumes him.


Now, a man regresses back-

To childhood again- where

Mommy helped him dress,

Scheduled his daily routines,

Helped him eat, or hold his cup.

Held his hand as he walked in the park.


Dementia puts the child back in the

    man again!  Full cycle!!

     Sleep is most BLESSED!


Posted on by alicehahn | Edit


A little boy’s fascination began with-

Tiny vehicles- multiple sizes, colors, shapes,

Little beep, beeps & vroom, vroom!

Others came with a deafening wail!

When little hands ceased to push,

Battery operated cars provided the thrill.

But most of all the childhood pleasure,

It gave & gave for many years.


Dreams became a owner of-

A newly sought driver’s permit.

How the adrenalin soared,

Driving down the street for all to see.

His new found independence, and HIM,

In the front seat of his wheels.

So proud, he shined & polished often.

The object of his delight!


Pleasure turned to transportation,

Doing the mundane everyday things.

Bringing home his new baby,

A family picnic to the park or zoo.

Teaching his children, the responsibility-

Of driving the car or truck.

Years pass, grandchildren count cars,

From the back seat of his latest mobile.


Much too soon, his eyes start to fail,

His balance is poor, old knees creak!

A fender bender draws attention,

To something hardly noticed before.

“You are getting old Pop,” the son-

Sadly says to him, “ Time to hang up the keys.”

The tears start to flow.  Pop can no longer-

Start the engine, wax & polish the car.


The big & little boy toys are put away,

Life seems to stop, independence lost!

Who’ll get the scripts, groceries, & such?

Appointments, church on hold, money.

Nowhere to go, the days seem long,

No visits to make, leisure summer rides,

Early bird specials are out- so you say!

An early death- to the driver of a Chevolet.




Twenty years ago, our paths crossed,

Full of ideas, dreams, expectations,

Traveling to exciting, exotic places.

Playing cards, tasting the unfamiliar,

Excitement of spending another day-

Wandering in the city, eating dim sum,

Putting in miles to a favorite music store,

Visiting relatives & mutual friends,

Traveled the road together, he & I.


A love of music, our mutual interest,

As men & boys’ melodic voices soared,

From high above St. Thomas Cathedral,

Our eyes misted with the ephemeral beauty,

Our hands touching, when so moved,

By the magnificence of the sound!

God himself had spoken to us,

With each measure of food, enough-

To satisfy the hunger within us.


Thinking & working as one entity,

Complimenting the other’s various needs, 

Inevitability- growth for the younger, gifted-

The older, declined emotionally & physically,

Dreams no longer a hope, but an obligation-

Which held tightly to each heartstring.

Pulling in opposite directions, knowing-

That never again, could the carefree,

Productive life include each other.

How many times, a lifetime,

Have setbacks pulled me,

Into darkness of an abyss,

But the need for survival

Pulled me back to reality,


 A young nymph struggling

To find a proper place,

In this imperfect world.

Seizes multiple opportunities

Prejudices attack participation.


  Academia at its best,

With confidence restored,

A single incident, a misstep,

Allows grief to become-

A constant friend once more.


 Reaching highest heights-

Attained the student- while

Faced with approaching death-

A Mother, not past her prime.

And so the darkness, then-

Brillant light – full circle back,


 Looking back, countless comebacks,

Relentless spent opportunities.

Wasted years, unkept dreams,

Unfulfilled desires, unused talents,

Inside, one small voice says,

“Push On, Push On”   Survive!








 The cold crisp snow.

Lay upon my breast.

As we glide through

The frosty wilderness.


 No care or mention


 Of tasks undone,


 Only the promise


 Of things to come.


 God cried today,

The fields were wet with moisture,

The rivers were capacity filled,

All nature lapped its drops,

As a thirsty child licked his lips,

And drank the sorrow,

That satisfied & filled him.



My mind caught between worlds,

A reality too painful for words,

And the make believe scenario,

Of a exciting plot-yet to be written.


Dreams can be changed, perfected,

Escape often the road to saneness.

A needy child clings for attention,

And drains the life from me.



My Pop-Pop cried today,

Full of pain & real anguish,

Not sure quite why?

We held him so very tightly,

Soothed the sobbing wail,

Tried to give him the comfort

That was to no avail,

Generation embracing generation.


As long loved material treasures,

Divided with careful attention,

Wrapped carefully for transport,

Dishes, one hundred years old,

Skates displayed, unused, for years,

Mom’s wedding presents past,

Faded relics of a happier family life,

Precious memories paraded out the door.


Emptiness as recalled events,

Brought to light happier days,

Family dinners served, a special treat,

Ice skating on a almost frozen pond.

Grand-mom’s crafted butterfly quilt,

Made from clothing scraps of yesterday.

Tears came to the recipient’s eyes,

As she touched & gazed at history.


The work finished, suddenly occurred,

The memories & weekly outings,

Connected to each precious item.

He recalled his long dead daughter.

Moving to & fro, with lightning speed,

Actions, words, reminders of her presence,

But through his granddaughter, her child,

He yearned to be with her again.


And so, you see the pain, directed-

By multiple reminders, of a younger time,

Hard working, but never realized-

How fast the clock seems to tick

Or time that seemed to be forever.

Youth synonymous with Immortal!

Reality is old age at Death Doors!

Nothing but time- a constant companion!

His pain realized by a younger time.




My mind, a maze of thoughts,

Travel around in my head.

Never connecting, deciphering,

The messages, what is said,

The worry, repeated questions

I ask, to control with dread.

Do you see me?

Do you hear me?

My past walks with today,

Dead brain cells take a toll.

Yet, my memory has its’ way,

Dementia be its’ goal.

My mind & memory, it has sought!



Sittting in front of me,

His skeleton once strong.

Toddler movements, his gait.

 Now so much gone wrong.

 I talk to the walls,

 No one hears my sad song.

Evoke anger,

Evoke impatience

My husband, a father, my love,

So viral, hard working,  was he.

 Sanctioned by the God above,

50 years ago our wedding day.

 For better or worse, our vows they be!

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 Posted on by alicehahn | Edit



As I watch, the falling leaves.

Crimson, gold & varied sights,

Nature adorns its gala garb,

Prepared with final brilliance,

For yet-another fair goodby,

Before it retires to sleep.


Raking spent leaves, such fuss!

But can you have the sun,    

Without the scorching heat?

Or flowers without spent blooms,

Re-seeding for yet another display,

Rewarded with the brilliance of Spring.


 And so, how wonderfully nature,

Prepares its very best,

Til yet another year-  rests

Under a blanket of snow,

Until Spring lifts the frozen earth.

Welcoming back all nature, again. 














A voice once so grand & full of promise,

Now silenced by varied multiple events.

Resonance that almost touched the heavens,

Never to reach the universe again.

Fate first attacked the means of transport.

The legs no longer strong, weakened,

Retreating to a different place, the mind-

Validation no longer hers to claim,trebleclef-floral1

Others too willing to take her place.

Once needed, her usefulness, now forgotton,

No longer her strength, her downfall to oblivion.

Now a painful ending, as age progresses,

As are opera highlights, leading to a tragic death.












Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

Garnished with quaint seaside cottages.

A precious whelk found, a treasure be,

Tossed by the in- coming pull of the tide.


Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

Dreams of owning a domicile close by,

Expectations of long, leisure summer fun.     

Lay heavily on my carefree, young mind.                              


Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

Drunk with the scent of brackish air.

A spray of salt on my face, expectations-

Etched memories of many past delights,


Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

My lazy spent summers- turned years,

Trips made less often to the shoreline,

Adventure- suddenly out of my reach.





Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

My view obscured by heaps of sand.

Yearning to wiggle old wrinkled feet,

Dreams of floating on a distant wave,


Forever my love, was the mystical sea.

My ghost ship looms in the deep dark mist.

To carry me, to places yet unknown.

And set my weary, troubled breast free.





What joy your natal day                         

Hath  brought our way.

Our hopes & dreams- lean

 On tomorrows, yet unseen

Nestled, cuddled in our arms,

 So much unsaid! No alarms!


 Our future beamed so bright

 Our shining star, a glowing light.

 Unknown, what hurtful tears

 Should lay ahead, such fears.

 That such a slight hand of fate,

  Should spirit you away, such hate!


   One last glance, one last goodby.

   One last hug, no reason why?

   Resounded in the empty heart

   Consumed by pain, a single dart,

   Emotionally bankrupt, a gaping hole,

   A different path, a heartbroken soul.   


   Too many years, too many miles,

   Too few memories, fading lifestyles,

   A love lost, yet lives in minds

   Of those long left behind.

   Where is the reason, rhyme?

   Separate us in the span of time.





I am falling, falling into the deep sea,

Nothing to grab, no one’s hand to hold.

Someone please catch me, hold tight!

Fleeting memories pass my dying eyes,

Gasping between the day & night,

Is there anyone there, to soothe-

My childish anticipation, my fright?

Too many unknowns, tomorrow waits for me!




Please remember me-

          By my scent,

The smell of my hair

         Upon your face,

By the sensuous way

          We kiss

The hold I have

          Upon your heart.

The coquettish way

          I gaze upon you.

The words committed

          Between us.

And even tho’ there be

          Nothing left.

Please remember me!





Upon the bed, he lays,

Yet so very still,

His body rigid, limp,

Moves not, against his will.

Days pass, unbeknownst to him,

Loneliness, he accepts.

As the days progress.

The weeks pass readily,

He quietly accepts his fate,

Questions, “Why can’t I move?”

His life ebbs ever so slowly,

But never realizes,

That soon- too soon-

Death is beyond the door,

How beautiful the ending be-

A mind frozen in time,

Not aware of what waits for him,

And thee!

Only, Alice are you there?

“Come down & see me,”

He calls endlessly, for the love,

His bride of fifty years.

Her heart heavy with grief

Bears the pain with dignity,

And sets his heart & mind

At rest, for the long sleep-

Where the angels await,

His body with no imperfections,

Heavenly gates open to free

His imprisoned body, at last!



My husband is now being cared for by Hospice.

He is deteriorating quickly.

But there is time to prepare, for what no one knows

The day of resolution!






In the bleakness of the night,

My very soul cries out to fight-

Long past ghosts that haunted me,

Yesterdays passions gone unfulfilled.

Tomorrows LOVE that cannot be-

Leaves an exhausted, weary me,

In the lonely abyss of my mind.


My love, he knows not me,

Silence separates our lives

No words of encouragement,

Glimpses of what will never be,

Alone, shared pleasures, my desire,

No one to hold me in the darkness,

Evening shadows surround my life.

Urgency hastens my day of freedom.

Haunts me daily of my undying love!


 So tired, so needy, I hold no mystery,

Bare I stand with little substance-

To clothe me in the winter chill

No illusions, my world contained,

Holding the old unrestrained lifeless ways,   

Stifles me, as I gasp for morning air,

An ebbing will- no more imagined ecstasy.

The exhilaration of life, no longer mine to boast-

That bright shining light, that heaven brings,

Shines for me- lighting my pathway home.

———–ALFIE    2009





Sleep. Blessed Sleep

My body aches for rest,

A sleep undisturbed

By restless patter,

Groans of helplessness,

Unanswerable questions,

Chair glider running

With ceaseless trips,

To check on me!

The child searching

For signs of life

In a body almost dead

From years of abuse

Endless demands required!


Sleep, blessed sleep

Uninterrupted by worldly affairs

But unattainable

Like all the rest

Of my sought after

Life needs!

Relentless it continues,

The clinging, sobbing child

Separation anxiety

Demands my every minute

Release never

Life’s journey to the end

Final sleep at last!

Sleep, blessed sleep!

——–ALFIE    2009





My beating compass,

Giving direction to life,

Lost in the mire,

No longer my comfort-guide,

Impeded thinking

Confusion in role=playing,

My anchor lacks stability,

Floating in tidal swells,

My true north

Unable to right itself!

———ALFIE    2009




At last, the gates of HELL,

Escapes my restless mind  

A renaissance of thoughts,

Unfettered by the doubts, fears,

My prison shackled by time,

I’m free, I’m free!

If only for awhile

It seems to be!

The prison still my abode,

Where none has entered,

Until now- release

So short a span

Of time- my freedom lasts!

A taste to stir my soul,

But permanently unattainable,

Like everything else

Held precious to me!

Fly, fly away with me!


A mind warped

By human condition

Destroyed by self

Or entities surrounds

Me still

Negativity with passivity.

Anger contained

Life or survival

Knows no kindness

Flaws always ready

For exposure!

Fly, fly away with me!


Sublime adventures,

Unrelenting passions,

Youth’s desires,

Undying love,

Our daily goal.

Intellectual displays

Knowledge abound,

Exploration beyond horizons,

Come search with me!

Escape my prison bounds,

Where all the yesterdays-

Are but distant memories,

Sunrises meet us daily,

Fly, fly away with me!

———-ALFIE    2009



Last night, the snow fell-

On rooftops & such.

Beautiful glistening white snow,

Virgin as it dropped on sidewalks,

Boats & on cold sandy beaches!

An image pristine, as it built

A denseness of pure magical flakes

Unaffected by man’s interference,

It blows, it piles, it creates-

Pleasure for tomorrow’s play.

Bring on the sleds, the forts,

Children dance with glee!

Lovers look to moonlight-

For a clandestine sleigh ride,

Then home to a blazing fire!

Warm memories created by all.

Nature being the strongest






Asleep, I awakened to the moanful wail,

Of a late night express,

Signaling it’s night sound-

Do you hear me?

Out of the way!

As the seasoned wheels clank

Along a well run track of years!

Where could it be going?

What is the purpose of its’ journey?

Night after night its’ wailing calls-

Awaken thoughts of yesterday,

Transportation long since gone, for most-

Do you hear me?

Out of the way!

Its’ routine unchanged, in the history

Of a once popular- SEASHORE LINE!













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